Nov. 24, 2017

Giving thanks opens me.

"Giving THANKS" by SUPER JOY n.
If my vision is failing
If I see no Hope
If I can find no beauty
If I can see no good
I simply say the word, "thank you"
Without even an object
Cause "THANK YOU " acknowledges receipt of something
even though I may be unAWarE.
Like breath. I simply.
RECEIVE breath.
Saying THANK YOU, like tears, refreshes my lens so that
I may SEE.
thank you.Thank You.THANK YOU. to infinity and BEyond.
Thank you.

"Thank you" is a "go to" word for me.  When I have nothing to say. When I feel anything. When I feel nothing. When I see nothing good in my view. I am learning to say "thank you."  The word is not like "abra ca-dab-ra" or some magic incantation that suddenly makes something appear out of nowhere.  But saying the word thank you seems to pull me from fears illusion to Love's greater vision. Sometimes I feel the shift immediately.  Sometimes I see my scene change instantaneously. But more often it is  gradual vision shift and saying the word, "thank you", just gives me enough space to take my next breath.

One year ago, I watched my second sister in four years die at age 60. In five years I experienced the loss of two sisters and one mother.  I have experienced much loss in my life time. I am no stranger to death or grief first hand. But for some reason, the loss of Lois seemed to trigger, tip the scales and unleash all my accumulated grief and pain.  All my knowledge, experience, grief coping strategies felt ineffective. I was not suicidal but on the other hand I consciously had to decide to get up each morning (after sleeping fitfully for many hours). I had to decide to move when I felt no reason in me or purpose for my life. I still had an making husband, daughters, community but in this state I could not envision my physical presence as anything short of a burden to them. 

In this state, stripped of my coping strategies and efforts, exposed and vulnerable in my clearly broken state,  I relearned fundamentals of living in a slow, moment by moment existence. One of the first gifts in this raw and real state was the discovery of the power of one word, "thank you."

In the shower of the locker room, after forcing myself to go to swim, on my deepest, darkest days, I hummed and sang one word, repeatedly. "Thank you."  There as water washed the chlorine off my body, "thank you" washed my broken heart with fresh oil to simply be. No "Why" answers came. But momentary awareness of mercy available for the next moment was my simple feast. Somehow, just saying the word opened my awareness.

How can I say "thank you" when I am consciously aware of nothing for which to be grateful? How can I say "thank you", a word which generally acknowledges the receipt of something when I was aware of receiving and giving nothing good?  I asked these questions.  The only answer that came to me, at the very core of my being, I am designed to thank, to be grateful. When I say,  "thank you", it pulls me out of the haze, the pit of my illusions and aligns me with one simple living truth of my design that lets me see and be one good thing.  I am designed to "thank". When I say "thank you" with broken open heart I become one good thing in my world, a reason to live.


"Thank you" not a magic incantation but a powerful living word that leads me from illusion to awareness of the REALity of LOVE. Thank you. THANK YOU. thank you. To infinity and beyond.