Aug. 9, 2018

Thoughts on Living as LOVE's peculiar person in the world

TRUE CONFESSIONS OF BEING A PECULIAR PERSON LIVING IN THIS WORLD BUT NOT OF IT AS LOVE. I am sensitive. I am aware. My heart feels alot, many times overwhelming me and tempting me to shut down and go into perpetual survival mode. There are a lot of labels used for this but I am choosing not to give one so that there might be that much more chance you and i will not shut down here and distance my/your heart with my/your possibly judgemental head by putting me in that comfortable mental box, file drawer of a convenient label.
     On first encounter quite a few say, "JOY, you are so unique." A polite, positive way of acknowledging I am puzzling, a mystery. Guess what, I finally realize not even I will understand me. But maybe i do not need to be understood as much as loved. Truely LOVE understands me and loves me. Can I believe and receive that LOVE, the Truth, in every moment? Will you remind me with your powerfully silent loving hugs when I forget?
      Many times the biggest challenge for me these days is to be fully present as me, believing I am a gift not a bigger sensitive problem.
     So how can this fearful and wonderful design of intense heart sensitivity serve instead of rule me? Here is my current process of truely living, not just surviving.
      One breath. One thought. One feeling at a time. NOW. Being still in my heart, and finding the Spirit knowing, no matter what chaos I perceive inside or outside me. My present Help looks like choosing to BELIEVE in something, SomeOne greater in the moment. Choosing (an often challenging choice) to BELIEVE, I am a fearful and wonderful design, even in this scary state of me.
Here, in my real fear, perceived darkness, of seemingly inescapable complex me, I simply INvite LOVE LIGHT asking for outside higher view. The LIGHT decimates revealed pockets of unbelieving fearful darkness in me when I openly invite. "Let there be LIGHT. Let the LIGHT of LOVE be the most powerful force living in and through me right now."
      CI know I need to participate in, experience, be present, accept the gift of that greater believing in this moment NOW, when I want to shut down and say my design is a liability not a gift, that my sensitivity is a curse not a blessing.
      Yes, I have to ask to go see HOPE from my Heavenly seat in my BEloved and say YES and amen to that view or my earth perspective heart is too overwhelmed with the grieving for those who grieve and not available to be and experience the rejoicing with those who rejoice also.
       I am writing this as a confession and declaration of a higher truth believing more. I am sensitive. I am aware. I feel strongly and intensely. This sensitivity is a fearful and wonderful, somewhat wild, weird and unique design that serves and expresses LOVE's HEART well as i tune it to the Spirit and live as HOPE, true somewhat inexpressible but gloriously FULL to overflowing JOY, a peculiar but lovable person in the world but not of it. Jln, 8-9-18